Sega Needs to Hire Joker to Score the Next “Sonic the Hedgehog” Game


Dear Sega Corporation,

What’s good? Long time, no talk. Ever since you guys started making games as opposed to creating new video game systems, we feel like we’ve fallen out of touch. In any case, we have a dope proposition for you. We dug Sonic the Hedgehog 4; seriously. We own a Wii. Stop laughing! We loved it, though, especially because it maintained the vibrancy that made past Sonic games so inviting. One thing we noticed since its release, though, was that a producer out of the UK named Joker, who has been championing a funky sound called “Purple WOW” and making waves in the dubstep scene, has been on a Sonic-influenced kick with some of his instrumentals. Nothing too intense, but we hadn’t realized how seriously he was taking this 16-bit sound until he released Sega Joker Drive, a nine-pack of beats that sound like themes from a lost-levels version of Sonic the Hedgehog 2.


“Desert Labyrinth” is right out of one of those oil-slicked, purple-themed exotic locales that has all kinds of fire and spikes emitting from odd angles. “Tokya District” is built for fast-paced boss battles. “Lava Lake?” We could go on. What we’re saying is, are you making Sonic the Hedgehog 5 for any systems? If not, or you need ideas for Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode III or something, we think you found your soundtrack. Seriously. Don’t believe us? Grab this nine-pack of tracks and get transported to some weird, far-off Sonic-themed oasis.

You’re welcome.